i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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