I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
