If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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