I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You're a waste of cheezeits
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
