Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
