I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
