dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
