ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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