I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
love makes seman taste better
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
