Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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