My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
