I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
