New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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