YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
handjob tips. give me some.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
