She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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