Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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