you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize