you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
