this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
