I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
