At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
