Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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