is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
