Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
