Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
