Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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