I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
