Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
