giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
