Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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