I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
