You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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