i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
