those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
