when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
