I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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