she woke up with a sticky ear
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
