I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
