mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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