Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
