my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
