ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's rum buckets o'clock
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
