my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize