My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
