so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Drake has all the answers
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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