I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
