She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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