A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There's always time for handjobs
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize