Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
