whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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