I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
