I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize