I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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