Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
