I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
