drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
