I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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