i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
