dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
