last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize