Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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