Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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