i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
