What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
