god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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