you have to choose: penises or morals?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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