Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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