She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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