she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
